Dear Diary,
I can't do anything. Reading rainbow was wrong! I can NOT fly. Especially not twice as high as a BUTTERFLY! Butterflies FLY! In the AIR. With their WINGS. And I don't have any wings. Know why? Do you want to know why? BECAUSE I AM HUMAN!
I am sorry to snap at you, but I am in a fit of self-hate rage! Get out of my way you book! I oughta just throw you off my bed!
I did it, but I still need to sign off. Then I will throw you.
Love,
Nevvy
P.S. I did it! I threw you! Aw, man! I picked you back up. Never mind. Can't do NOTHIN'!
Saturday, June 2, 2012
June 18th
Dear Diary,
The seminar seemed so pointless at first, but then I realized that I am the one and only Nevvy Longbum! I am made up of the same materials as everyone else, as everything else! We all came from the same thing: The Big Bang! That is what my mind was like as I was listening to the seminar guy talk. It was like, there is nothing, and then, all of a sudden, there was a spark and an explosion! If a muggle flatulates too much, if you light a spark, then entire facility would blow up. That is what it was like for me, but it had nothing to do with flatulence, and it was inside my head. All of a sudden my mind had a him boom of self-love! I realized, 'Hey, maybe I am a person.' And then I started thinking more about it. 'Hey, I AM a person!' And I finally realized I might deserve love. I realized I might be loved! By wizzard-god!
The seminar is more of a workshop. It will continue next week. And maybe the week after that. I am finally on the road to recovery! Can you heal something that was never whole in the first place? I don't even care anymore!! I can do ANYTHING!
Love,
Nevvy
The seminar seemed so pointless at first, but then I realized that I am the one and only Nevvy Longbum! I am made up of the same materials as everyone else, as everything else! We all came from the same thing: The Big Bang! That is what my mind was like as I was listening to the seminar guy talk. It was like, there is nothing, and then, all of a sudden, there was a spark and an explosion! If a muggle flatulates too much, if you light a spark, then entire facility would blow up. That is what it was like for me, but it had nothing to do with flatulence, and it was inside my head. All of a sudden my mind had a him boom of self-love! I realized, 'Hey, maybe I am a person.' And then I started thinking more about it. 'Hey, I AM a person!' And I finally realized I might deserve love. I realized I might be loved! By wizzard-god!
The seminar is more of a workshop. It will continue next week. And maybe the week after that. I am finally on the road to recovery! Can you heal something that was never whole in the first place? I don't even care anymore!! I can do ANYTHING!
Love,
Nevvy
June 2nd
Dear Diary,
I am sorry for my silence. It is summer now, I guess. I am not surprised that I went all through my first year at Hogwarts without noticing the traps the Slythereen's set for me. I suppose I just accepted that my luck was bad, and that things would never get better.
Gran is signing me up for a Self-Esteem Seminar. I doubt it will help very much.
Love,
Nevvy
I am sorry for my silence. It is summer now, I guess. I am not surprised that I went all through my first year at Hogwarts without noticing the traps the Slythereen's set for me. I suppose I just accepted that my luck was bad, and that things would never get better.
Gran is signing me up for a Self-Esteem Seminar. I doubt it will help very much.
Love,
Nevvy
Friday, January 20, 2012
August 12
Dear diary,
I wonder if I have superpowers? That would be nice. Then I could fight evil with the laser vision of my buck teeth. That would be nice.
I am still wondering if you taste like ice cream or something. I am going to check. Maybe you sprouted milk during the night.
You didn’t.
Love,
Nevvy
Friday, January 6, 2012
August 5
Dear diary,
Have you ever noticed how ‘diary’ looks a lot like ‘dairy?’ Maybe you taste like milk... I am gonna see.
You taste disgusting.
Love,
Nevvy
July 31
Dear diary,
I got a toad. His name is Trevor. I hope I don’t lose him or Gran will have yet another reason not to love me.
Love,
Nevvy
July 30
Dear diary,
Today is my birthday. I turned eleven. Even the vulture on Gran’s hat seems happy. I got a letter to Hogwarts. I guess that is a good thing. You know, I might be able to make my grandmother love me. But that is wishful thinking.
I now have to go and spend our scarce money on supplies to aid me in my failure at yet another thing. Maybe I will get an owl. I’d like an owl.
Love,
Nevvy
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